林黛玉初進賈府時，身邊只帶著一個小丫頭雪雁。那時她年紀尚小，父母雙亡，千里投親，孤零零一個人從揚州來到榮國府，雖然賈母疼她，可終究寄人籬下。賈母見她身邊沒有得力之人，便把自己房裡一個極伶俐的二等丫頭撥了過去。那丫頭原名鸚哥，到了黛玉身邊後，才改名紫鵑。
這名字改得極妙。
紫鵑原本便是杜鵑鳥的一種。杜鵑啼血，聲聲哀絕。曹雪芹後來給她安排的一生，也正像這名字一樣，看似只是個丫頭，其實卻是整部《紅樓夢》中，最早看清命運的人之一。
她不像晴雯那樣鋒利，也不像襲人那樣世故，更不像平兒那樣懂得周旋。她真正厲害的地方，是「活的明白」。
她太早就看明白了，她知道林姑娘這樣的人，在這世上，是活不長的。
黛玉剛進賈府時，年紀還小，性子卻已極敏感。她雖然聰明絕頂，可越聰明的人，往往越容易傷心。別人一句話，一個眼神，她都能想上一夜。旁人都說林姑娘小性兒，愛哭，刻薄，可真正懂她的人才知道，她不是刻薄，她只是太沒有安全感。
她沒有家了。
父親林如海雖是巡鹽御史，可母親早亡，後來連父親也病死。從那以後，她便像一株被連根拔起的蘭花，移進了賈府這座富貴花園。可是花園雖大，終究不是自己的土。
而紫鵑，是最早看清楚這件事的人。林黛玉初進賈府時，身邊只帶著一個小丫頭雪雁。那時她年紀尚小，父母雙亡，千里投親，孤零零一個人從揚州來到榮國府，雖然賈母疼她，可終究寄人籬下。
賈母見她身邊沒有得力之人，便把自己房裡一個極伶俐的二等丫頭撥了過去。那丫頭原名鸚哥，到了黛玉身邊後，才改名紫鵑。
這名字改得極妙。
紫鵑原本便是杜鵑鳥的一種。杜鵑啼血，聲聲哀絕。曹雪芹後來給她安排的一生，也正像這名字一樣，看似只是個丫鬟，其實卻是整部《紅樓夢》中，最早看清命運的人之一。
她不像晴雯那樣鋒利，也不像襲人那樣世故，更不像平兒那樣懂得周旋。她真正厲害的地方，是「活得明白」。
她太早就看明白了，她知道林姑娘這樣的人，在這世上，是活不久的。
黛玉剛進賈府時，年紀還小，性子卻已極敏感。她聰明絕頂，可越聰明的人，往往越敏感多疑， 容易為小事猜疑而傷心。
別人一句話，一個眼神，她都能想上一整夜為什麼。旁人都說林姑娘小性兒，刻薄，愛哭，可真正懂她的人才知道，她不是刻薄，她只是太沒有安全感。
因為， 她是孤兒， 她沒有家了。
林黛玉是名門之後，父親林如海是書香世家出身的探花郎，巡鹽御史，這是個收入豐厚的“肥差”。母親賈敏，則是賈府當權者賈母最痛愛的女兒， 他們原本可以給黛玉一個美好快樂童年。
可是黛玉卻命運多舛，林家支庶不盛，子嗣單薄。黛玉四歲時弟弟不幸夭折，六、七歲時母親賈敏因病去世。十歲時，父親林如海也因病離世，使她成為真正無父，無母的孤兒。
由於父母雙亡，且無兄弟姐妹扶持，她在外祖母賈母的援引下進京，長期居住在榮國府，雖然有賈母疼愛， 仍然與親生父母有別，仍然是寄人籬下。
寄人籬下的身份，以及痛失雙親的痛苦經歷，造就了黛玉孤高自許、多愁善感、鬱鬱寡歡的性格。
在《紅樓夢》的神話體系中，林黛玉的前世為絳珠仙草。因受到神瑛侍者（賈寶玉前世）的甘露灌溉，得以久延歲月並修得人身。
為了報答這份灌溉之恩，她選擇隨神瑛侍者下凡，將一生的眼淚償還給他。這也為她一生以淚洗面、因情而殇的悲劇命運定下了基調。
林黛玉就像是一株被連根拔起的蘭花，移進了賈府這座富貴花園。可是花園雖大，終究不是自己的故土，先天的水土不服。
而紫鵑，是最早看清楚這件事情本質的人。
她每日陪著黛玉吃藥、看書、做針線，也陪著她看落花，聽秋雨。大觀園裡人人看見的，是林姑娘才華絕世，詩寫得最好，人也最標致；可只有紫鵑知道，林姑娘晚上常常咳得睡不著，一邊咳，一邊偷偷掉眼淚。
她也知道，黛玉心裡裝著寶玉。這事別人或許半懂不懂，可紫鵑卻看得明白。
寶玉也確實與別人不同。他不愛八股，不愛功名，不愛做官，只愛和姐妹們在一處。別人眼裡，他是個不成器的公子哥兒，可紫鵑卻隱隱覺得，只有寶玉，才是真心懂林姑娘， 真心疼林姑娘的人。
可問題也恰恰出在這裡，寶玉雖然有情，卻太軟弱。他不像戲文裡那些敢於衝破世俗、帶著心上人遠走高飛的勇者。
他活在賈府這張巨大的網裡，賈母、王夫人、賈政、家族、規矩、功名，所有這些如同一張沈重的巨網，壓在他身上。他雖然有時嘴上反抗，可真正到關鍵時候，他卻什麼都做不了。
這一點，紫鵑後來也慢慢看清楚了。所以她才會在第五十七回，做出那件在賈府算得上是驚天動地的事，測試寶玉的真心。後來人都叫它：「紫鵑試玉。」
那時黛玉病勢已漸重，卻仍日夜為寶玉擔憂。她雖然嘴硬，可心裡始終害怕一件事：若有一天，寶玉不屬於她了，怎麼辦？
這問題，她不敢問，因為她太驕傲。於是紫鵑替她問了。
那一天，紫鵑故意在寶玉面前說，林姑娘終究是外姓人，如今林家那邊來了人，準備接姑娘回蘇州老家，以後怕是不能再住賈府了。
寶玉聽後，如五雷轟頂。他先是不信，隨後竟急得發狂，一路哭喊：「林妹妹要回去了！林妹妹要回去了！」最後鬧得痰迷心竅，連玉都摔了，人也病得昏死過去。
賈母、王夫人等人亂成一團，連忙請醫問藥。紫鵑看著寶玉那樣子，心裡反而一沉。因為她終於明白了，寶玉是真的離不開黛玉。可她也同時明白了另一件更可怕的事：寶玉雖然真心，卻保不住黛玉，護不住黛玉， 這才是真正讓人絕望的地方。
若寶玉是個薄情郎，那倒簡單。偏偏他不是，他是真的愛林姑娘。可這世上最痛苦的事之一，便是：有情，卻無力。
從那以後，紫鵑開始變得越來越沉默。她比誰都清楚，黛玉與寶玉之間，永遠沒有希望， 中間隔著整個賈府。
賈母雖然疼愛黛玉，可老太太終究老了；母親王夫人喜歡的是寶釵；父親賈政也根本不喜歡黛玉這樣的女孩。
而黛玉自己，也太驕傲。她寧可死，也不肯低頭求人。
紫鵑常常深夜替黛玉熬藥，外頭的冷風一陣陣吹進來，吹得紫鵑的心更冷。 黛玉靠在床上咳嗽，咳得滿臉通紅。紫鵑有時偷偷望著她，心裡會忽然生出一種極端的恐懼。
她總覺得，林姑娘像一盞快熄滅的油燈，而她卻無能為力。
後來，終於還是到了那一天。賈府用調包計，讓寶玉娶了寶釵。那一夜，大觀園燈火通明，鼓樂喧天，到處都在說「寶二爺大喜」。可瀟湘館裡，卻冷得像一座墳墓。
黛玉早已病得只剩一口氣，她聽見外頭隱隱傳來的喜樂聲，什麼也沒說，只是默默把自己多年寫下的詩稿，一頁一頁投入火中。火光映著她蒼白的臉，那些詩，是她一生的心血，也是她一生的夢。
紫鵑跪在旁邊哭得幾乎昏過去，拼命勸她。可黛玉只是淡淡一笑。
那笑容，紫鵑後來一輩子都忘不了。那不是怨，也不是恨，而是：心死。那一夜，林黛玉終於淚盡而亡。她死的時候，寶玉不在身邊。
紫鵑抱著黛玉漸漸冰冷的身體，只覺整個世界都塌了。她知道，從今以後，再也不會有人葬花，再也不會有人對月吟詩，再也不會有人半夜咳著血，還倔強地不肯讓人知道。
林姑娘死了，而大觀園，也從那一天起，真正開始死了。
黛玉死後，紫鵑曾怨過寶玉。她覺得，是寶玉負了姑娘。可後來，她看見寶玉瘋瘋癲癲，失魂落魄的樣子，又慢慢明白了，寶玉其實也毀了。他不是背叛黛玉，他只是保不住她。
而這世上，最讓人絕望的，往往不是薄情，而是無力。
再後來，賈府敗了，大觀園散了。那些曾經鮮花似錦、烈火烹油的日子，一夜之間，全成了夢。
惜春出家時，紫鵑也跟著去了。很多人說，紫鵑是看破紅塵。
其實未必，她不是看破了。她只是再也不相信了。
她親眼看著這世上最乾淨、最美的一個女孩，被活活逼死。她也終於明白，這人世間，根本容不下林姑娘那樣的人。
所以她也走了，從此青燈古佛，晨鐘暮鼓，度過餘生。
只是夜深人靜時，她或許還會想起，當年那個愛哭愛笑、喜歡葬花寫詩的林姑娘。
也或許還會想起，那一年大觀園裡，花開得正好的春天。
（未完待續）When Lin Daiyu first entered the Jia household, she brought with her only one little maid, Xueyan. At that time she was still very young. Her parents were both gone. She had traveled a thousand miles to seek refuge with relatives, coming all alone from Yangzhou to the Rongguo Mansion. Although Grandmother Jia loved her dearly, she was, after all, living under another family’s roof.
Seeing that Daiyu had no capable attendant at her side, Grandmother Jia sent over one of the cleverest second-rank maids from her own rooms. That maid was originally named Yingge. Only after she came to Daiyu’s side was her name changed to Zijuan.
It was a wonderfully fitting name.
Zijuan is, by nature, a kind of cuckoo bird. The cuckoo cries until it seems to weep blood, each call filled with sorrow. The life Cao Xueqin later arranged for her was just like this name. On the surface, she was only a maid. In truth, however, she was one of the earliest people in the whole of Dream of the Red Chamber to see clearly through fate.
She was not as sharp-edged as Qingwen, nor as worldly-wise as Xiren, nor as skilled in maneuvering as Ping’er. Her greatest strength was that she knew how to live with clear eyes.
She saw the truth far too early. She knew that someone like Miss Lin could not live long in this world.
When Daiyu first entered the Jia household, she was still young, yet already extremely sensitive by nature. She was brilliant beyond compare. But the more intelligent a person is, the more likely she is to be sensitive, suspicious, and easily wounded by the smallest things.When Lin Daiyu first entered the Jia household, she brought with her only one little maid, Xueyan. At that time she was still very young. Her parents were both gone. She had traveled a thousand miles to seek refuge with relatives, coming all alone from Yangzhou to the Rongguo Mansion. Although Grandmother Jia loved her dearly, she was, after all, living under another family’s roof.
Seeing that Daiyu had no capable attendant at her side, Grandmother Jia sent over one of the cleverest second-rank maids from her own rooms. That maid was originally named Yingge. Only after she came to Daiyu’s side was her name changed to Zijuan.
It was a wonderfully fitting name.
Zijuan is, by nature, a kind of cuckoo bird. The cuckoo cries until it seems to weep blood, each call filled with sorrow. The life Cao Xueqin later arranged for her was just like this name. On the surface, she was only a maid. In truth, however, she was one of the earliest people in the whole of Dream of the Red Chamber to see clearly through fate.
She was not as sharp-edged as Qingwen, nor as worldly-wise as Xiren, nor as skilled in maneuvering as Ping’er. Her greatest strength was that she knew how to live with clear eyes.
She saw the truth far too early. She knew that someone like Miss Lin could not live long in this world.
When Daiyu first entered the Jia household, she was still young, yet already extremely sensitive by nature. She was brilliant beyond compare. But the more intelligent a person is, the more likely she is to be sensitive, suspicious, and easily wounded by the smallest things.
A single word from someone, a single glance, could make her think about it for an entire night. Others all said that Miss Lin was petty, sharp-tongued, and fond of crying. But those who truly understood her knew that she was not sharp-tongued. She simply felt too unsafe.
Because she was an orphan. She no longer had a home.
Lin Daiyu came from a distinguished family. Her father, Lin Ruhai, was born into a scholarly household, had passed the imperial examination as a tanhua, and served as Salt Censor, a lucrative official post. Her mother, Jia Min, was the most beloved daughter of Grandmother Jia, the matriarch of the Jia household. They should originally have been able to give Daiyu a beautiful and happy childhood.
But Daiyu’s fate was full of misfortune. The Lin family had few collateral branches and very few heirs. When Daiyu was four, her younger brother died in childhood. When she was six or seven, her mother Jia Min died of illness. When she was ten, her father Lin Ruhai also passed away, leaving her truly fatherless, motherless, and alone.
Because both her parents were dead, and because she had no brothers or sisters to support her, she went to the capital under the protection of her maternal grandmother, Grandmother Jia, and lived for many years in the Rongguo Mansion. Although Grandmother Jia loved her, that love was still different from the love of her own parents. She remained, after all, a dependent in someone else’s house.
This life under another family’s roof, together with the painful experience of losing both parents, shaped Daiyu’s proud, solitary, sorrowful, and melancholy character.
In the mythic system of Dream of the Red Chamber, Lin Daiyu’s previous incarnation was the Crimson Pearl Flower. Because she had been watered with sweet dew by the Divine Stone-in-Waiting, the previous incarnation of Jia Baoyu, she was able to prolong her life and cultivate a human form.
To repay this grace of watering, she chose to follow the Divine Stone-in-Waiting down into the mortal world and repay him with all the tears of her life. This also set the tone for her tragic destiny: a life washed in tears, wounded and destroyed by love.
Lin Daiyu was like an orchid torn up by the roots and transplanted into the Jia household’s rich and splendid garden. But however large that garden was, it was not her native soil. From the beginning, she could never truly take root there.
And Zijuan was the first to see the essence of this truth.
Every day, she accompanied Daiyu as she took medicine, read books, and did needlework. She also accompanied her as she watched fallen flowers and listened to autumn rain. What everyone in the Grand View Garden saw was Miss Lin’s matchless talent, her finest poetry, and her exquisite beauty. But only Zijuan knew that at night Miss Lin often coughed so badly she could not sleep, coughing while secretly shedding tears.
She also knew that Baoyu lived in Daiyu’s heart. Others may have understood this only vaguely, but Zijuan saw it clearly.
Baoyu was indeed different from others. He did not love the eight-legged essay, did not love fame, did not love official rank. He loved only being together with the young women of the household. In the eyes of others, he was an unpromising young gentleman. But Zijuan dimly felt that only Baoyu truly understood Miss Lin, and truly cherished Miss Lin.
Yet the problem lay precisely there. Baoyu had feeling, but he was too weak. He was not like those brave men in plays who dared to break through worldly restraints and carry their beloved away to a distant life.
He lived inside the enormous net of the Jia household. Grandmother Jia, Lady Wang, Jia Zheng, family, rules, reputation, official ambition—all these things were like one heavy net pressing down upon him. Though he sometimes rebelled with his words, when the truly crucial moment came, he could do nothing.
This, too, Zijuan gradually came to understand. That was why, in Chapter Fifty-Seven, she did something that could be called earth-shaking within the Jia household: she tested Baoyu’s true heart. Later generations would call it “Zijuan Tests the Jade.”
At that time Daiyu’s illness had already grown worse, yet she still worried day and night about Baoyu. Though her words were proud and stubborn, deep inside she was always afraid of one thing: if one day Baoyu no longer belonged to her, what then?
This was a question she did not dare ask, because she was too proud. So Zijuan asked it for her.
That day, Zijuan deliberately told Baoyu that Miss Lin was, after all, a relative from another surname; now someone from the Lin family had come, preparing to take her back to her old home in Suzhou, and in the future she might no longer be able to remain in the Jia household.
When Baoyu heard this, it was as if five thunderbolts had struck him at once. At first he refused to believe it. Then he became frantic with panic, crying all the way: “Sister Lin is going back! Sister Lin is going back!” In the end, he fell into such a deranged state that phlegm clouded his heart and mind; he even threw down his jade, and collapsed into unconscious illness.
Grandmother Jia, Lady Wang, and the others were thrown into chaos and hurried to call doctors and prepare medicine. Watching Baoyu in that state, Zijuan felt her heart sink instead. For she finally understood that Baoyu truly could not live without Daiyu. But at the same time, she also understood something even more terrible: although Baoyu was sincere, he could not protect Daiyu, could not shield Daiyu. That was the truly hopeless part.
If Baoyu had been a heartless man, things would have been simple. But he was not. He truly loved Miss Lin. Yet one of the most painful things in this world is precisely this: to have love, but no power.
From then on, Zijuan became more and more silent. She understood better than anyone that between Daiyu and Baoyu there would never be any hope. The entire Jia household stood between them.
Grandmother Jia loved Daiyu, but the old lady was old after all. Baoyu’s mother, Lady Wang, favored Baochai. His father, Jia Zheng, did not like a girl like Daiyu at all.
And Daiyu herself was too proud. She would rather die than bow her head and beg anyone.
Zijuan often stayed up late at night boiling medicine for Daiyu. Outside, the cold wind blew in gust after gust, chilling Zijuan’s heart even more. Daiyu leaned against the bed, coughing until her face turned crimson. Sometimes Zijuan secretly looked at her and suddenly felt an extreme fear rise in her heart.
She often felt that Miss Lin was like the last flicker of an oil lamp, its flame trembling on the verge of darkness, and yet there was nothing she could do.
Later, that day finally came. The Jia household used a substitution scheme and had Baoyu marry Baochai. That night, the Grand View Garden was bright with lamps and filled with music. Everywhere people were saying, “Second Master Bao is celebrating his great joy.” But inside the Xiaoxiang Pavilion, it was as cold as a tomb.
Daiyu was already so ill that only one breath seemed left in her. Hearing the faint sounds of wedding music drifting in from outside, she said nothing. She only silently took the poems she had written over many years and placed them, page by page, into the fire. The flames shone upon her pale face. Those poems were the labor of her whole life, and also the dream of her whole life.
Zijuan knelt beside her, crying almost to the point of fainting, desperately trying to stop her. But Daiyu merely smiled faintly.
That smile, Zijuan would never forget for the rest of her life. It was not resentment. It was not hatred. It was the death of the heart. That night, Lin Daiyu finally died after her tears were exhausted. When she died, Baoyu was not by her side.
Holding Daiyu’s gradually cooling body, Zijuan felt as if the whole world had collapsed. She knew that from then on, no one would ever again bury fallen flowers, no one would ever again chant poetry to the moon, and no one would ever again cough blood in the middle of the night while stubbornly refusing to let others know.
Miss Lin was dead. And from that day on, the Grand View Garden truly began to die.
After Daiyu’s death, Zijuan once resented Baoyu. She felt that Baoyu had failed her mistress. But later, when she saw Baoyu in his deranged, lost, and broken state, she slowly understood that Baoyu, too, had been destroyed. He had not betrayed Daiyu. He had simply been unable to protect her.
And in this world, what most often drives people to despair is not heartlessness, but helplessness.
Later still, the Jia household fell, and the Grand View Garden scattered. Those days that had once seemed so splendid, like flowers in bloom and oil blazing in fire, turned overnight into a dream.
When Xichun became a nun, Zijuan followed her. Many people say that Zijuan had seen through the vanity of the mortal world.
In truth, perhaps not. She had not seen through it. She simply could no longer believe in such a world.
With her own eyes, she had watched the cleanest and most beautiful girl in this world be forced to death. She finally understood that this human world had no place for someone like Miss Lin.
So she left as well. From then on, under a green lamp before the ancient Buddha, amid morning bells and evening drums, she passed the rest of her life.
Only in the stillness of deep night, perhaps she would still think of that Miss Lin from long ago, who loved to cry and laugh, and who loved to bury flowers and write poems.
And perhaps she would also think of that year in the Grand View Garden, when the spring flowers were blooming at their best.
(To be continued)
