秦可卿死後，寶玉雖然傷心了很久，可那時的他，對死亡其實還很模糊。他只是覺得，一個那麼溫柔，那麼好的人，忽然死了。他難受，流淚，發呆，可並不真正明白，死亡到底意味著什麼。
直到金釧兒死去。寶玉才第一次真正感到，有些事情，一旦發生，就再也回不去了。而且，那件事，還和自己有關。
金釧兒是王夫人身邊最得力的大丫鬟，她模樣俏麗，性子活潑，嘴又巧，和一般唯唯諾諾的小丫頭不同。她平時服侍王夫人，身份比普通丫鬟高出不少，因此也養成幾分伶俐爽快。
寶玉平日最喜歡和女孩子們廝混。在他眼中，女孩兒都是水做的骨肉。他看見女孩兒便覺得清淨可愛，看見那些整日講仕途經濟、滿口道學文章的男人，反而覺得俗臭不堪。
因此他從小就愛和丫鬟們說笑。襲人、晴雯、麝月、秋紋、碧痕，他哪個不鬧？而金釧兒又偏偏是個愛說笑的，一來二去，兩人自然也就親近。秦可卿死後，寶玉雖然傷心了很久，可那時的他，對死亡其實還很模糊。他只是覺得，一個那麼溫柔，那麼好的人，忽然死了。他難受，流淚，發呆，可並不真正明白，死亡到底意味著什麼。
直到金釧兒死去。寶玉才第一次真正感到，有些事情，一旦發生，就再也回不去了。而且，那件事，還和他自己有關。
金釧兒是王夫人身邊最得力的大丫鬟，她模樣俏麗，性子活潑，嘴又巧，和一般唯唯諾諾的小丫頭不同。她平時服侍王夫人，身份比普通丫鬟高出不少，因此也養成幾分伶俐爽快。
寶玉平日最喜歡和女孩子們廝混。在他眼中，女孩兒都是水做的骨肉。他看見女孩兒便覺得清爽可愛，看見那些整日講仕途經濟、滿口道學文章的男人，反而覺得俗臭不堪。
因此他從小就愛和丫鬟們說笑，襲人、晴雯、麝月、秋紋、碧痕，他哪個不鬧？而金釧兒又偏偏是個愛說笑的，一來二去，兩人自然也就親近。
那一天，正是炎熱夏日午後。王夫人在榻上午睡，金釧兒坐在旁邊替她捶腿，捶著捶著，她也困了，低頭打盹。偏偏這時，寶玉來了。
寶玉是個閒不住的人，見屋裡安靜，王夫人又睡著了，便悄悄湊到金釧兒身邊說笑。曹雪芹在《紅樓夢》第三十回，寫下了這樣一段危險場景。筆者就將原文抄錄如下， 不是抄襲， 而是讓讀者可以自己從曹雪芹的原文， 瞭解當時到底發生了什麼？
「 遂進角門，來到王夫人上房。只見幾個丫頭手裏拿著針線，卻打盹兒。王夫人在裏間涼床上睡著，金釧兒坐在旁邊捶腿，也斜著眼亂恍。
寶玉輕輕的走到跟前，把他耳朵上的墜子一摘。金釧兒睜眼，見是寶玉，寶玉便悄悄的笑道：「就睏的這麼著？」金釧抿嘴兒一笑，擺手叫他出去，仍合上眼。
寶玉見了他，就有些戀戀不捨的，悄悄的探頭瞧瞧王夫人合著眼，便自己向身邊荷包裏帶的香雪潤津丹掏了一丸出來，向金釧兒嘴裏一送，金釧兒也不睜眼，只管噙了。
寶玉上來，便拉著手，悄悄的笑道：「我和太太討了你，咱們在一處吧！」金釧兒不答。寶玉又道：「等太太醒了，我就說。」金釧兒睜開眼，將寶玉一推，笑道：「你忙什麼？『金簪兒掉在井裏頭，有你的只是有你的。』連這句俗語難道也不明白？」
大家仔細看， 完全是寶玉調戲金釧兒， 他做了幾件事：
（一） 摘她的耳墜子
（二） 餵她吃香雪潤津丹
（三） 要向母親， 也就是王夫人討要金釧兒， 到自己房去， 和他在一起 。
金釧兒無非就是回了一句話：「你忙什麼？『金簪兒掉在井裏頭，有你的只是有你的。』連這句俗語難道也不明白？」
客觀地講， 年輕美麗的金釧兒， 也不是木頭， 對少年寶玉不會沒有想法。 她體會， 感受到寶玉對她的喜愛， 也難免有些心神蕩漾，這不為過。 她說的話不過是一時失口，沒想到竟要了她的命。
因為這句話，表面看像俏皮話， 但在那個年代， 其實已經近乎男女私情暗示。意思是：命裡若是你的，終究還是你的。而且「金簪子落井」，本身便帶著極不吉利的隱意。
偏偏此時，王夫人其實並未睡熟。她一直閉目假寐。寶玉與金釧兒那些調笑，那些話，她聽得清清楚楚。
忽然間，王夫人猛地坐起。屋中氣氛，瞬間像冰一樣凍住。
還沒等兩人反應過來，「啪！」王夫人狠狠一巴掌抽在金釧兒臉上，接著破口大罵：「下作小娼婦！好好的爺們，都叫你們這些狐狸精教壞了！」
寶玉當場嚇呆，一溜了事，金釧兒則是魂飛魄散。因為她知道，這已不是普通責罵，而是滅頂之災。
王夫人越罵越怒，當場命令把金釧兒攆出去 。無論金釧兒怎麼哭，怎麼跪，怎麼求饒，都沒用。王夫人一句話： 「我們家再容不得這樣的人」，徹底判了金釧兒的死刑。
真正調情的人，其實是寶玉。可最後挨打的，是金釧兒；被趕出去的，也是金釧兒。因為在那個時代，男人胡鬧，叫風流；女人沾上一點點嫌疑，就是下賤。
金釧兒是王夫人身邊的大丫鬟，她被攆出去，就等於全榮國府的都知道：她勾引寶玉。名節徹底毀了。那時候，一個女孩子，毀了名節，就等於沒了活路。
寶玉心裡難受極了，可不敢替金釧兒說話。因為他怕王夫人，也怕事情越鬧越大，他只能眼睜睜看著金釧兒哭著被拖出去。
寶玉心裡一直內疚， 不安。他覺得：對不起金釧兒，可是又不知做什麼來彌補。
第二天 ，外面傳來消息：金釧兒投井死了。寶玉當場如五雷轟頂，整個人呆住。他不敢相信，昨日還和自己說笑的人，怎麼忽然就死了，而且，是因為自己。
原來金釧兒被趕回家後，她越想越絕望，她不明白：自己到底錯在哪裡 ？ 在那天屋裡說笑的人，就是她和寶玉， 是寶玉挑逗她， 她不過順口回了一句話， 就挨打， 挨罵， 被趕出來， 為什麼 ？
她絕望了， 她一個年輕姑娘家，背上調戲勾引主子的罪名， 她無論如何也無法洗清， 她已經沒有出路， 沒有活路。 於是，她跳進井裡，死時，還那麼年輕。
對於金釧兒的死， 曹雪芹沒有直接描寫， 而是借一個婆子之口說出：
「一句話未了，忽見一個老婆子忙忙走來，說道：「這是哪裏說起，金釧兒姑娘好好兒的投井死了。」
襲人聽得，唬了一跳，忙問：「哪個金釧兒？」那老婆子道：「哪裏還有兩個金釧兒呢？就是太太屋裏的。前日不知為什麼攆出去，在家裏哭天抹淚的，也都不理會他，誰知找不著他，才有打水的人說那東南角上井裏打水，見一個尸首，趕著叫人打撈起來，誰知是她！
他們還只管亂著要救，哪裏中用了呢？」
寶釵道：「這也奇了！」
襲人聽說 ，想素日同愾之情，不覺流下淚來。寶釵聽見這話，忙向王夫人處來安慰。
寶玉聽見消息後，「頓足長嘆」，心裡像被人生生挖掉一塊。可在王夫人面前，他不能哭，不能表現悲傷。因為只要他替金釧兒說一句話，王夫人便會更加認定：這丫頭果然勾引了寶玉。
因此寶玉只能忍，把所有痛苦都埋在心裡。可這件事，卻像毒刺一樣，從此扎進他的心。
到了九月初二。那一天，是王熙鳳生日，也是金釧兒的生日 ，寶玉一直記著。他早早便叫小廝茗煙偷偷備馬，又故意對府裡人說，要去北靜王府，其實，是偷偷出城去祭奠金釧兒。
那一天，他帶著小廝茗煙，跑到郊外的水仙庵。偷偷祭奠金釧兒。 寶玉心裡有話， 卻又不能明說， 為了瞭解當時寶玉的心情， 還是抄錄曹雪芹的原文， 更準確。
「那老姑子見寶玉來了，事出意外，竟象天上掉下個活龍來的一般，忙上來問好，命老道來接馬。寶玉進去，也不拜洛神之像，卻只管賞鑒。雖是泥塑的，卻真有“翩若驚鴻，婉若游龍”之態，“荷出綠波，日映朝霞”之姿。
寶玉不覺滴下淚來。老姑子獻了茶。寶玉因和他借香爐。那姑子去了半日，連香供紙馬都預備了來。寶玉道：“一概不用。”便命茗煙捧著爐出至後院中，揀一塊乾淨地方兒，竟揀不出。茗煙道：“那井臺兒上如何？”寶玉點頭，一齊來至井臺上，將爐放下。
茗煙站過一旁。寶玉掏出香來焚上，含淚施了半禮，回身命收了去。茗煙答應，且不收，忙爬下磕了幾個頭，口內祝道：“我茗煙跟二爺這幾年，二爺的心事，我沒有不知道的，只有今兒這一祭祀沒有告訴我，我也不敢問。
只是這受祭的陰魂雖不知名姓，想來自然是那人間有一，天上無雙，極聰明極俊雅的一位姐姐妹妹了。
二爺心事不能出口，讓我代祝：若芳魂有感，香魂多情，雖然陰陽間隔，既是知己之間，時常來望候二爺，未嘗不可。你在陰間保佑二爺來生也變個女孩兒，和你們一處相伴，再不可又托生這鬚眉濁物了。”說畢，又磕幾個頭，才爬起來。」
曹雪芹借小廝茗煙之口， 說出了寶玉的心事。
寶玉站在水仙庵井旁，對著空井祭奠。那一刻，這個從小在脂粉堆裡長大的少年，第一次真正明白：原來自己一句玩笑話，真的可以逼死一個人。
回府後，寶玉看見金釧兒妹妹玉釧兒，也是王夫人房中的丫鬟， 正在偷偷抹淚。他故意低聲問：「你猜我往哪兒去了？」玉釧兒沒有回答，可她心裡明白，寶玉也明白。有些話，不必說出口。
寶玉從那時開始，第一次真正感到：這個世界，並不像他想像得那樣。在這個世界裡，有些人，可以胡鬧；有些人，卻連犯錯的機會都沒有。一旦犯錯， 只能去死。
而最讓寶玉痛苦的是：真正有錯的人，是他，他活得好好的。死去的，卻總是那些最弱小，最無力反抗的人， 就像金釧兒。
（未完待續）After Qin Keqing died, Baoyu grieved for a long time, but at that point, death was still vague to him. He only felt that someone so gentle, so good, had suddenly died. He felt sorrow, shed tears, sat in a daze, but he did not truly understand what death really meant.
Not until Jinchuan’er died did Baoyu, for the first time, truly feel that some things, once they happen, can never be undone. And what made it worse was that this matter had something to do with him.
Jinchuan’er was one of Lady Wang’s most capable senior maids. She was pretty, lively, quick with words, and unlike the ordinary timid little maids who only knew how to obey. Since she usually served Lady Wang personally, her status was much higher than that of ordinary maids, and this had also given her a certain cleverness and frankness.
Baoyu usually loved spending time among girls. In his eyes, girls were made of water. Whenever he saw girls, he felt them pure and lovely; but when he saw those men who spent all day talking about official careers, worldly advancement, and moralistic writings, he found them vulgar and foul.
Therefore, from childhood, he loved joking with the maids. Xiren, Qingwen, Sheyue, Qiuwen, Bihen, which one of them had he not teased? And Jinchuan’er happened to be someone who also loved joking. As time passed, the two naturally became close.After Qin Keqing died, Baoyu grieved for a long time, but at that point, death was still vague to him. He only felt that someone so gentle, so good, had suddenly died. He felt sorrow, shed tears, sat in a daze, but he did not truly understand what death really meant.
Not until Jinchuan’er died did Baoyu, for the first time, truly feel that some things, once they happen, can never be undone. And what made it worse was that this matter had something to do with him.
Jinchuan’er was one of Lady Wang’s most capable senior maids. She was pretty, lively, quick with words, and unlike the ordinary timid little maids who only knew how to obey. Since she usually served Lady Wang personally, her status was much higher than that of ordinary maids, and this had also given her a certain cleverness and frankness.
Baoyu usually loved spending time among girls. In his eyes, girls were made of water. Whenever he saw girls, he felt them pure and lovely; but when he saw those men who spent all day talking about official careers, worldly advancement, and moralistic writings, he found them vulgar and foul.
Therefore, from childhood, he loved joking with the maids. Xiren, Qingwen, Sheyue, Qiuwen, Bihen, which one of them had he not teased? And Jinchuan’er happened to be someone who also loved joking. As time passed, the two naturally became close.
That day was a hot summer afternoon. Lady Wang was taking a nap on the couch, while Jinchuan’er sat beside her, massaging her legs. As she massaged, she too grew sleepy and began nodding off. Just at that moment, Baoyu arrived.
Baoyu was never someone who could sit still. Seeing the room quiet and Lady Wang asleep, he quietly moved close to Jinchuan’er and began joking with her. In Chapter Thirty of Dream of the Red Chamber, Cao Xueqin wrote the following dangerous scene. Here I copy the original passage, not as plagiarism, but so readers may understand directly from Cao Xueqin’s own words what exactly happened at that moment.
“So he entered through the side gate and came to Lady Wang’s main room. He saw several maids holding needlework in their hands, but all of them were dozing. Lady Wang was asleep on the cool bed in the inner room, while Jinchuan’er sat beside her massaging her legs, her eyes half closed and wandering.
Baoyu quietly walked up to her and took off the earring from her ear. Jinchuan’er opened her eyes and saw that it was Baoyu. Baoyu quietly smiled and said, ‘Are you so sleepy as all that?’ Jinchuan’er pursed her lips and smiled, waved her hand for him to leave, then closed her eyes again.
Seeing her, Baoyu felt reluctant to leave. He quietly craned his neck to see that Lady Wang’s eyes were closed, then took out from the purse at his side a pill of Fragrant Snow Throat-Soothing Elixir and placed it in Jinchuan’er’s mouth. Jinchuan’er did not even open her eyes, only held it in her mouth.
Baoyu moved closer, took her hand, and quietly smiled, saying, ‘I’ll ask Madam for you, and then we can be together.’ Jinchuan’er did not answer. Baoyu said again, ‘When Madam wakes up, I’ll tell her.’ Jinchuan’er opened her eyes, pushed Baoyu away, and laughed, ‘What are you in such a hurry for? “If the golden hairpin falls into the well, what is meant for you will still be yours.” Don’t you even understand this common saying?’”
Everyone should look carefully. It was entirely Baoyu who was flirting with Jinchuan’er. He did several things:
（1）He took off her earring;
（2）He fed her a Fragrant Snow Throat-Soothing Elixir;
（3）He said he would ask his mother, Lady Wang, to give Jinchuan’er to him, so that she could go to his room and be with him。
All Jinchuan’er did was reply with one sentence: “‘If the golden hairpin falls into the well, what is meant for you will still be yours.’ Don’t you even understand this common saying?”
Objectively speaking, young and beautiful Jinchuan’er was not made of wood. It was impossible that she had no feelings at all toward the young Baoyu. She sensed and felt Baoyu’s affection for her, and it was only natural that her heart should be stirred a little. That was nothing excessive. Her words were merely a careless slip of the tongue, yet she never imagined that they would cost her life.
Because on the surface, those words seemed like a playful remark, but in that era, they already came close to hinting at private affection between a man and a woman. Their meaning was: if something is destined to be yours, it will be yours in the end. Moreover, the phrase “a golden hairpin falling into the well” itself carried an extremely ominous hidden meaning.
Unfortunately, Lady Wang had not truly been asleep. She had been lying there with her eyes closed, pretending to doze. She heard every word of Baoyu and Jinchuan’er’s teasing and joking perfectly clearly.
Suddenly, Lady Wang sat up sharply. The atmosphere in the room froze in an instant like ice.
Before the two had time to react, there was a sharp slap. Lady Wang struck Jinchuan’er hard across the face, then began cursing furiously: “Low little whore! Good young masters are all taught bad by fox spirits like you!”
Baoyu was frightened stiff on the spot and slipped away. Jinchuan’er, however, was terrified out of her soul. Because she knew this was no ordinary scolding, but a disaster that could destroy her.
The more Lady Wang cursed, the angrier she became. She ordered on the spot that Jinchuan’er be driven out. No matter how Jinchuan’er cried, knelt, and begged for mercy, it was useless. With one sentence, “Our family can no longer keep such a person,” Lady Wang completely sentenced Jinchuan’er to death.
The one who had truly flirted was Baoyu. Yet in the end, the one who was slapped was Jinchuan’er; the one who was driven out was also Jinchuan’er. Because in that age, when a man behaved recklessly, it was called romance; but when a woman was touched by the slightest suspicion, she was called degraded.
Jinchuan’er was a senior maid by Lady Wang’s side. Once she was driven out, it meant the entire Rongguo Mansion would know that she had seduced Baoyu. Her reputation was utterly destroyed. In those days, when a girl’s chastity and reputation were ruined, her path of survival was gone.
Baoyu felt terrible inside, but he did not dare speak up for Jinchuan’er. He feared Lady Wang, and he also feared the matter becoming even worse. He could only watch helplessly as Jinchuan’er was dragged away in tears.
Baoyu’s heart remained full of guilt and unease. He felt that he had wronged Jinchuan’er, yet he did not know what he could do to make amends.
Before long, news suddenly came from outside: Jinchuan’er had thrown herself into a well and died. Baoyu felt as though struck by thunder. His whole body froze. He could not believe that someone who had only yesterday been joking with him had suddenly died, and because of him.
It turned out that after Jinchuan’er was sent home, the more she thought about it, the more hopeless she became. She could not understand what exactly she had done wrong. That day in the room, the ones joking were herself and Baoyu. It was Baoyu who had teased her. She had merely replied casually with one sentence. For that she had been slapped, cursed, and driven out. Why?
She became desperate. She was a young girl, yet she had been branded with the accusation of flirting with and seducing her master. No matter what she did, she could never wash away that stain. She had no way out, no road to live. So she jumped into the well. When she died, she was still so young.
Regarding Jinchuan’er’s death, Cao Xueqin did not describe it directly, but instead revealed it through the words of an old woman:
“Before the sentence was finished, an old woman hurriedly came in and said, ‘How did this happen? Miss Jinchuan’er, perfectly well, has thrown herself into a well and died.’
Hearing this, Xiren was startled and hurriedly asked, ‘Which Jinchuan’er?’
The old woman replied, ‘How could there be two Jinchuan’ers? It’s the one from Madam’s room. A few days ago, for some unknown reason, she was driven out.
At home she cried and wept, but no one paid her any attention. Who would have thought she would disappear?
Only when someone was drawing water from the well at the southeast corner did they see a corpse. They hurried to call people to pull it up, and who knew it was her!
They were still flustering about trying to save her, but what use was that by then?’
Baochai said, ‘How strange!’
When Xiren heard this, she nodded and sighed, thinking of their old affection as fellow maids, and could not help shedding tears. Baochai, hearing this, hurried to Lady Wang’s place to comfort her. Xiren returned by herself.”
After Baoyu heard the news, he stamped his feet and sighed deeply. It felt as though a piece of his heart had been torn out alive. Yet in front of Lady Wang, he could not cry and could not show grief. Because if he said even one word on Jinchuan’er’s behalf, Lady Wang would become even more convinced that the girl had indeed seduced Baoyu.
So Baoyu could only endure it, pressing all his pain into his heart. But this matter, like a poisoned thorn, lodged in his heart from then on.
Then came the second day of the ninth month. That day was Wang Xifeng’s birthday, and also Jinchuan’er’s birthday. Baoyu had always remembered it. Early on, he secretly ordered the page Mingyan to prepare a horse, and deliberately told the household that he was going to the Prince of Beijing’s residence. In fact, he was secretly leaving the city to mourn Jinchuan’er.
That day, he took the page Mingyan and went to the Narcissus Nunnery outside the city to secretly offer sacrifice to Jinchuan’er. Baoyu had words in his heart, but could not speak them openly. To understand Baoyu’s feelings, it is more accurate to copy Cao Xueqin’s original text.
“When the old nun saw Baoyu arrive, the matter was so unexpected that it was as if a living dragon had fallen from the heavens. She hurried forward to greet him and ordered an old Daoist to receive the horse. Baoyu entered, but did not bow before the statue of the Goddess of the Luo River. He only gazed at it. Though it was molded from clay, it truly had the grace of ‘startling as a swan in flight, graceful as a swimming dragon,’ and the beauty of ‘a lotus rising from green waves, lit by morning sunlight.’
Baoyu could not help shedding tears. The old nun offered tea. Baoyu asked her to lend him an incense burner. The nun was gone for a long while and even prepared incense offerings and paper horses. Baoyu said, ‘None of that is needed.’ He then ordered Mingyan to carry the incense burner into the rear courtyard and choose a clean place, but no clean place could be found. Mingyan said, ‘How about on that well platform?’ Baoyu nodded, and together they went to the well platform and set the burner down.
Mingyan stood to one side. Baoyu took out incense and lit it, then with tears in his eyes, made half a bow and turned around, ordering the burner to be taken away. Mingyan answered, but instead of taking it away, he hurriedly fell to the ground and kowtowed several times, saying, ‘I, Mingyan, have followed Second Master for these years. There is no thought in Second Master’s heart that I do not know. Only today’s sacrifice was not told to me, and I did not dare ask.
Though I do not know the name of the departed soul receiving this offering, I imagine she must naturally be a sister or young lady with no equal on earth and none in heaven, extremely intelligent and extremely refined.
Second Master cannot speak what is in his heart, so let me pray on his behalf. If your fragrant soul has awareness, if your spirit still has feeling, though yin and yang divide you, since you were soulmates, it would not be improper for you to come often and visit Second Master. In the underworld, please bless Second Master so that in his next life he may also become a girl and stay together with all of you, and never again be reborn as one of these filthy-bearded males.’ After saying this, he kowtowed several more times before getting up.”
Cao Xueqin used the mouth of the page Mingyan to speak Baoyu’s heart.
Baoyu stood beside the empty well at the Narcissus Nunnery and offered sacrifice. At that moment, this young boy who had grown up among powder and perfume truly understood for the first time: it turned out that one casual joke of his could really drive someone to death.
After returning to the mansion, Baoyu saw Jinchuan’er’s younger sister Yuchuan’er, who was also a maid in Lady Wang’s rooms, secretly wiping away tears. He deliberately asked in a low voice, “Can you guess where I went?” Yuchuan’er did not answer, but in her heart she understood, and Baoyu understood too. Some words did not need to be spoken aloud.
From that time on, Baoyu truly felt for the first time that the world was not as he had imagined. In this world, some people could fool around recklessly; others did not even have the chance to make a mistake. Once they made a mistake, they could only die.
And what hurt Baoyu most was this: the person truly at fault was himself, yet he lived perfectly well. The ones who died were always those who were weakest and least able to resist, just like Jinchuan’er.
( To be continued )
